It’s been over two months since a dramatic storm blew into Vancouver causing a shipwreck on the shores of Vanier Park. We sent our roving island reporter Tempestuous Tracey to interview two of the survivors, party dames Trincula and Stephana, to see how they’ve been occupying their time on the island.
Tempestuous Tracey: Hey ladies!
Stephana: Hello, Hi!
TT: So, you’ve been hanging out on this island for over two months now. How have things been working out for you here?
Trincula: Well, we ran out of wine pretty quickly, so that was-
Stephana: HELL. I would describe it as hell!
Trincula: (grimacing) Yes!
Stephana: There are no tailors on the island. Trincula and I have both damaged our dresses. There is no white make-up to touch up, I’m getting terribly freckly.
Trincula: I’ve lost my shoes, that was, they were…very special…shoes…
Stephana: Rather expensive.
Trincula: Very expensive!
TT: So it’s been difficult times?
Stephana: Difficult times, yes. And ever since Prospero released Caliban, we have no one to help us do anything–
Trincula: NO SERVANT!
Stephana: That’s right, no servant! Nothing! I mean, freedom high-day freedom, okay, as long as I am holding the rope, right?
TT: …Right. And speaking of Caliban, are you single, attached, dating anyone?
Trincula: (giggles) Yes!
TT: You are? Yes? Who?
Stephana: Rather a nebulous answer, Trincula! Why don’t you expand? Who are you dating?! I’d like to know!
Trincula: (still giggling) Well, on the island, we don’t call it dating, really, as –
Stephana: As there is nowhere to go! No bars! No hotel lobbies!
Trincula: (laughing) There is a definitely a lack of those things!
Stephana: (Still on a roll) No theatre!
Trincula: One has to get a bit creative-
Stephana: Who’d want to go to the theatre though? Bah! Intermission is what I live for! The bar!
Both: (chanting loudly) The bar! The bar! The bar!
Stephana: (recovering) Well, I myself partnered with Sebastian and keep Caliban as a lover.
TT: Right. And do you have any dating tips for the ladies out there?
Both: Dating tips for ladies out there…
Stephana: I would say, look for the fattest wallet, largest coffer…you do not want to be stuck with a pauper!
Trincula: A man who knows how to treat a lady’s feet nicely.
Both: (dreamily) Mhmm, yes.
Stephana: (conclusively) A rich man who knows how to treat a lady’s feet nicely! A proper pedicure!
TT: And you both like to drink a bit?
Stephana: (indignantly) Who said that?
TT: Just, just an observation!
Stephana: (huffily) An observation?! Well, Trincula perhaps more than myself!
Trincula: Well, I would call myself a connoisseur…of, of…grapes!
TT: And do you have a favorite drink?
Stephana: (straight-faced) Drinks. I like drinks. Drinks with alcohol in them. That’s my favorite kind.
Trincula: Yes. I have discovered that there are these, um, coconuts that are on the island, that actually if you cut them off and then ferment the juice on the inside it creates quite a beautiful drink.
Stephana: Cocincula! Rum cocincula!
TT: The drink of summer! … And your dresses are lovely.
Both: Oh, thank you!
Stephana: (vamping) This old thing?
TT: Some might have described it as disheveled chic, perhaps?
Stephana: (affronted) Do you have a name for that person?
TT: Umm… Do you make your own clothes?
Both: (erupting in uproarious laughter) Oh no no no no no! Ho ho ho ho ho! Oh that’s sweet! No! Never!
Stephana: Father used to get us most of our clothes. We had tailors in Paris-
Trincula: In Tunisia. We were excited about going to Tunisia and getting some tailoring done there.
Stephana: (with flair) I believe it’s called TuNISH-ah! Trincula is not as well versed in the atlas as I am. TuNISH-ah!
Trincula: (sadly) Unfortunately.
Stephana: We were terribly disappointed at Clarabelle’s wedding!
Trincula: It was horrible! Oh!
Stephana: Ugh, the fabrics! Oh!
Trincula: Only one skirt!
Stephana: One of them! No boning! At least not in the bodices…
Trincula: (scandalized) And where was the duvet? That holds the rest of the skirt up?
Stephana: Absolutely. Just nice light flowing silks and cottons. Just appalling!
TT: Well, that’s the end of our interview I think! Unless there is anything else you would like to add?
Stephana: Come visit us on the island, before we leave in October! That’s when the King has said that he’ll send a ship back for us, so we can join the rest in Naples.
Trincula: I’ll need a new dress.
Stephana: So will I, yes. So bring a dress. And a drink! A drink and a dress! A dressy drink!
The hilarious Naomi Wright and Luisa Jojic play Stephana and Trincula in The Tempest, 2014. Come and see them before they leave!
Production images by David Blue.