Guest Post By Bic Pentameter

Are you confused, intimidated, or afraid when it comes to Shakespearean language? Fear not cousin, I am Bic Pentameter and I am here to help you understand and talk like Shakespeare! Here are some phrases for everyday as well as relationship situations we can all relate to translated into Shakespearean language. Give them a go – you never know what might happen!

Copyright Barcroft MediaGood morning
Good morrow

How are you?
How now, good friend, how farest thou this day?

Can I have a cappuccino to go please?
Barrista true, vouchsafe to grant one cup
Of that sustaining brew, a cappuccino.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you, will you marry me?
I prithee, fair one, take my hand and vow
To join our hearts and souls eternally,
To spend our days in joy, our nights in bliss,
O, grant me this and seal it with a kiss.

Sorry, it’s just not working, we need to break up.
My dear, I hate to say it does not work;
The time has come to end our fellowship.
The joy we’ve shared must now come to an end;
And love we must seek out with other friends.

I feel like you just don’t listen…
If thou wouldst deign to use thine ears, then thou
Wouldst hear my words.

Want to get a drink some time?
Come and crush a cup of wine. [Romeo & Juliet]
I prithee, come and join me for a drink.
Wouldst thou vouchsafe to drink and chat with me?

And here are some fun tips from my friends at Chicago Shakespeare Theater:

  • Instead of you, say thou or thee (and instead of y’all, say ye).
  • Rhymed couplets are all the rage.
  • Men are Sirrah, ladies are Mistress, and your friends are all called Cousin.
  • Instead of cursing, try calling your tormenters jackanapes or canker-blossoms or poisonous bunch-back’d toads.
  • Don’t waste time saying “it,” just use the letter “t” (’tis, t’will, I’ll do’t).
  • Verse for lovers, prose for ruffians, songs for clowns.
  • When in doubt, add the letters “eth” to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).
  • To add weight to your opinions, try starting them with methinks, mayhaps, in sooth or wherefore.
  • When wooing ladies: try comparing her to a summer’s day. If that fails, say “Get thee to a nunnery!”
  • When wooing lads: try dressing up like a man. If that fails, throw him in the Tower, banish his friends and claim the throne.

Now you’ve got the basics there’s nothing to lose. Go forth and woo!